Redemption  Spoon River Anthology
by ReneeB
Summary: Amanda Barker was murdered by her husband after she gave birth to a stillborn son.  She seeks Revenge then redemption in the cemetary where her family is buried.


As I looked over the final resting places of those I had known all my life, I didn't think of myself. I didn't think of the pain or the humiliation I had endured in life and even in death. I know what was said after my death. I know that I was blamed for Joshua not living long enough to draw breath, but these thoughts were far from my mind. I thought of Joshua! I thought of a little boy running in the rain and jumping in my outstretched arms. I saw my little boy capturing lightning bugs in glass jars. I saw a man, strong and steadfast but also gentle and thoughtful.

Unfortunately, he was never any of those things and the visions in my mind are only that, visions. The more I think of everything Joshua could have been, the angrier I become. Of course, I am angry at Henry, for it was his hatred and violence that killed both my son and me, but I am also angry at myself. If I had been stronger or smarter, this never would have happened. It was just as I was pondering my own deficiencies that I saw him.

How dare he have the nerve to rest here? Henry was on the other side of the graveyard and he appeared to be looking for something. The thought of him resting so near my beloved son jolted me and I yelled for redemption. I want the truth to be known. I want the residents of Spoon River to see the role they played in my son's downfall. I ran screaming at the townspeople with a force I never knew in life. When I came upon Henry he was so callous. He denied having any part in my sadness. He acted as though I ruined him. I ruined him! I tried to explain about Joshua, about this sweet little life he never knew.

I tried to show Henry the truth, to make him see remorse in what he had done. But, he kept saying that it was my fault, that Joshua wasn't real, and that he never had a son. I know my son was real, as real as I was. I felt him move, I nourished him for months. He was real and I needed to make Henry see that fact. I tried to take Henry to the grave site where my child will spend eternity. I knelt down to caress that sacred ground where my baby rests his head. Henry just smirked and walked away. How could he not mourn this piece of himself. I was so distraught, as I realized that I could never have peace.

I could not have peace until I forgave my husband and my captor. I never would have considered forgiving Henry, if it weren't for Joshua. I want to spend my afterlife with my son. I want tranquility for my son, so I followed Henry, and yelled to make him see the truth. I kept thinking of the saying, "The Truth will Set you Free!"

I had to believe this was true, as this was my only chance to have peace for myself and my son. I had to stand up to Henry to save my son in death. It was something I was never willing to do in life, and it cost me my beloved Joshua. I yelled and chased him, I had to make Henry see.

As Henry crumpled to the ground, I saw a side of him in death that I never saw in life. I had never seen him cry. He fell to the ground and he looked like a pathetic and wounded soul. I didn't see the strong and foreboding presence that he presented in life, and I realized that he had been suffering all this time. I felt pity for him. I helped him regain his composure and held him in my arms.

It is an amazing feeling to hold a man. A man is supposed to be so strong, so in control at all times. I realized that my pain and my struggles in life had left me with fortitude ten times greater than a man's control. I had grown in my struggles, while he had withered under the strain of always remaining strong. We grow stronger through our own weakness.

I was finally powerful enough to take Henry to say goodbye to the son he never knew. A son he never wanted to know. As we sat watching the new life of the birds nearby and watching the stone that held our son at night, a great peace fell over me. I am finally free of Henry's control, just as he is free of his own fear. We were in death, the family I had always hoped for in LIFE!


End file.
